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Happening ... in the Local Church
 Father
Corrado speaks with St. Louis de Montfort parishioner Betty Anne Sobek
after his talk. “He was great – just wonderful,” Sobek said. (Photos by
Caroline B. Mooney) |
 Father
Corrado stands in front of an image of Rembrandt’s “Return of the
Prodigal Son,” hung behind the altar at St. Louis de Montfort for the
mission. |
By Caroline B. Mooney
The Catholic Moment
FISHERS — The words we use can do unintended damage, leaving a need for forgiveness … and forgiving takes practice.
That was the message of Father Dennis Corrado, CO, who gave a series of talks during “Forgiveness Leads to Wellness and Joy,” St. Louis de Montfort’s 2008 parish mission held Jan. 28-30.
“Often now in families we say things we don’t think are harmful, but they can haunt us for years and years,” he said. “Things that are said in family life are often buried and sit in our craw as if it were yesterday — we have to watch what we say.”
Father Corrado is the founder/provincial superior of the Oratorian Fathers and Brothers of St. Philip Neri, the Saint of Joy, in Brooklyn, N.Y. He has preached in 14 states and foreign countries. He holds graduate degrees in theology, religious education and communications.
On Jan. 28, Father Corrado began with a story about St. Philip Neri and the power of words.
St. Philip Neri was a well-known confessor. One day a penitent said he was just not happy with his life, family and friends.
The penitent talked about people behind their backs, told lies, and was full of anger, jealousy and hurt. St. Philip Neri, who was known for giving unusual penances, told the penitent to take his pillow to the roof of his home, rip it open and then let the feathers fly through the streets below. Next, he told the penitent to collect all those feathers.
“I can’t do that,” the penitent said. St. Philip Neri replied, “And neither can you take back the words you said because they have flown to places you never intended and have done damage you may never understand.”
“Calumny is telling lies about others and detraction is telling the truth about others that should not be repeated,” Father Corrado said. “By repeating things, you are not only harming the person, you are harming the trust of people in you. People confide in us, trust us and that should end with us, but we repeat it with the justification, ‘I’m only telling the truth.’ By telling that truth you have put yourself and others in jeopardy. It creates distrust that is unhealthy in our family life and society.”
Father Corrado related stories from his own family life of times when words were taken the wrong way and anger remained that was never talked about.
“The first definition of when we don’t forgive — we are hurt,” he said. “We mask our hurt with anger — we don’t acknowledge that hurt. … The truth is that sometimes people do terrible things to us. When people do that, we stop trusting them. The hurt remains deep inside your heart and it’s hard to trust again.
“What does this mean in the life of eternity? Most stuff we carry with us in the end doesn’t mean anything. We often don’t forgive not just because we’re hurt and angry, but because we think we’re right and they’re wrong.
“To be good at forgiving, we need to practice it,” Father Corrado said. “Prayer is essential. … Forgiveness is a lifestyle — we have to keep doing it. When someone harms me, my instinct is to get them back. I need to have Christ help me. Forgiveness is not a weakness; it is strength. If you practice forgiveness over and over, you get stronger and stronger and stronger.
“When you are asking God for forgiveness, you are saying, ‘I am going to try to do better,’” he said. “We are in no position to be condemning anybody. Every time you point a finger, there are three pointing back at you.
“Forgiveness is not approval — it doesn’t make things all better,” he said. “Some things you can let go, some are not resolved until we are in heaven. It doesn’t mean we should be held prisoner all of our lives.”
In closing, Father Corrado spoke about Mother Teresa’s example of forgiveness, and a prayer she kept on her wall. It read:
“People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
“If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway …
“The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
“Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway …
“You see, in the end, it’s between you and God, it was never between you and them anyway.”
“I thoroughly enjoyed his talk,” said Libby Brown, parishioner of St. Louis de Montfort Church. “He touched on real lives with real issues — and his stories were so engaging — it was like he was in our living room with us. He has experienced the same things we’ve experienced. Forgiveness is not about doing for the other person, but forgiveness is about what you do for yourself.”
“It was emotional,” said Kathy Stadler, parishioner of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Church, Carmel. “He brought tears to my eyes, because Mother Teresa has been a model to all of us. The main thing she said was be forgiving, kind, and remember that everything is between you and God — it’s not all about us. … Forgiveness puts us in a good relationship with God, we relieve ourselves by forgiveness.”