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Happening ... in the Local Church
 World
Marriage Day, which began more than 25 years ago, will be celebrated
this year on Feb. 14. |
 St.
Lawrence, Lafayette, parishioners Leo and Mary Ann Steiner were among
the couples at the recent day of reflection. Married for 49 years, they
came because “we want our time together to be a deeper closeness,” Leo
Steiner said. (Photo by Caroline B. Mooney) |
By Caroline B. Mooney
The
Catholic Moment
LAFAYETTE — Christine and Dave Turo-Shields try to provide support where they have seen it lacking — to married couples.
“We
have Pre-Cana and other good premarital counseling and there is ‘Divorce and
Beyond’ for divorced Catholics, but we need to nurture the marriage,”
Christine Turo-Shields said.
She spoke at a day of reflection for married couples Jan. 23 at St. Lawrence Church, but her husband could not come due to illness. The two, married for 20 years, are both licensed clinical social workers and members of St. Barnabas Parish in Indianapolis.
Their assistant, Carolyn Harkin-Brinton, helped with the day’s presentation.
“When we see couples in counseling, the first thing we ask is what they were like at the beginning of their relationship,” Turo-Shields said. “We try to enhance what brought them together, and then work on problems that brought them to counseling.
“Many marriages suffer a long lull where couples do the best they can while devoted to children,” she said. “There are disconnects and couples need skills and tools to reconnect. They need to learn to water the garden, if you will, instead of weeding it.
“The statistics are stacked against us,” Turo-Shields said. “Our society isn’t pro-marriage. With so many couples both working outside the home, there is some erosion.”
Fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce, but for couples who attend Mass together weekly, the divorce rate is 33 percent.
“When you have couples together worshipping and praying daily together, the statistics are down to 10 percent,” Turo-Shields said. “Prayer wasn’t always communal, but there is more shared prayer now. Think about the statistics — prayer is a great way to armor yourself against what society buffets us with.”
She said couples should pray together and focus on a specific area each day, including: blessings and gratitudes, new spiritual information and insights, struggles with requests for divine intervention, and Christian desires.
She said that one special gift from her husband was “a ‘remember-when list.’ When you think back about your favorite song or some special time together, you both can reminisce. … We think we know everything about our spouse, but new data has been added. Couples need to spend time rebuilding friendship, thinking about good times and laughing together.”
Randy and Deanna Worden, members of Our Lady of Grace Church, Noblesville, have been married for three years after six years of dating. They had both been single parents for 18 years and met through a radio station dating service.
“We came here because we want to start a program for marriages at our parish,” Randy said. “We know people are going through difficult times.”
Turo-Shields gave couples several ideas to use in working on their relationships. A “daily temperature reading” includes appreciating anything — big or small — that a spouse does. Even if it is just picking socks up off the floor, partners need to remember that there is always something to be grateful for.
Couples were urged to share new information daily, whether it’s a news story, trivial or important information. Problems should be shared so a spouse doesn’t try to guess or assume what is going on. Hopes for the day or the future should be shared.
To test how well they knew each other, a worksheet questioned if couples knew their spouses’ friends, dreams, fears, hopes and worries.
Turo-Shields recommended writing love letters and suggested language focusing on anger, sadness, fear, regret and love. Complaints should be very specific and not be made with any expectations, she said, and forgiveness should be emphasized.
Leo and Mary Ann Steiner, members of St. Lawrence, have been married 49 years. They came to the day of reflection because “we want our time together to be a deeper closeness,” Leo said.
While raising six children, the Steiners took walks together for time alone to talk, but now as empty-nesters, they find themselves doing things separately sometimes, even when they are together.
“We do take time together to take our camper and go,” Mary Ann said. “It’s different than being at home where there are things to do. Sitting around the campfire you are more likely to open up and talk. There is something special about that time.”
Michael and Katrina Mijatoich have been married for 33 years. Their fathers were best friends in the war. He lived in Michigan and she lived in Indiana, but their families visited over the years. When he saw her at 18, “it was, ‘Boom,’” Michael said. “I kind of knew she was the one.” He spent the next two years driving once a month from Michigan to Indiana to go out with Katrina, they created hefty phone bills, and then they were married.
“No matter what a wife or husband happens to be or do, marriage is teamwork,” a handout at the day of reflection stated. “(God) doesn’t lead two people into marriage to see sparks fly, or to pull a husband and wife in two opposite directions. He leads them into marriage to blend and maximize their usefulness.”