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Happening ... in the Local Church
 Lorene
Hanley Duquin, author of When a Loved One Leaves the Church,
speaks at a “Catholic Home-coming” event at St. Joan of Arc Church,
Kokomo, on Sept. 8. (Photo by Kevin Cullen) |
By Kevin Cullen
The
Catholic Moment
KOKOMO — Lorene Hanley Duquin can relate to a troubling statistic: According to a 2008 Pew Forum survey, 10 percent of all Americans are former Catholics.
Duquin fell away from the Church after her confirmation. She married a Protestant, and their four children were not baptized. Her brother called them “pagan babies.” Other relatives said, “You can’t raise these kids without religion.”
Feeling guilty, she sent the children to religious education classes. One became an altar server, and invited a priest home for dinner. That encounter helped lead Duquin back to the faith. Her husband eventually became a convert.
Now she coordinates the “Come & See” program for the Diocese of Buffalo, N.Y., and speaks all over the country on how to reach out to those who want to reestablish a relationship with God and the Church. She wrote the book, When a Loved One Leaves the Church.
Duquin was the guest speaker at a “Catholic Homecoming: An Evening for Catholics Worried About Family and Friends Who Have Left the Catholic Faith,” Sept. 8 at St. Joan of Arc Church. “Beginning the Journey,” an opportunity to invite family and friends back to the faith, is set for Oct. 20.
Duquin’s practical advice “equips us with the potential — if you will, the tools — on how to speak with those we love and know who are not necessarily practicing the faith with us, so that those souls will be touched by our faith,” said Father Ted Dudzinski, pastor of St. Joan of Arc and St. Patrick parishes in Kokomo.
“You never realize what impact you might have planting seeds,” said St. Joan parishioner John Christensen, one of approximately 100 people who attended the program.
The February 2008 “U.S. Religious Landscape Survey” by the Pew Forum on Religion and Public Life showed that the Catholic Church “has lost more people to other religions or no religion than any other religious group,” Duquin said.
They leave for many reasons, she said: they’re too busy; they don’t feel welcome; they didn’t like a certain priest they once knew; they are cohabiting; they married outside the Church; they are divorced and mistakenly believe they’ve been excommunicated.
Others say they don’t need organized religion, or rebel against a faith imposed upon them as children. Some blame God for some personal tragedy, or move so often that they never join a parish. Some have little spirituality, worshipping only money and possessions.
All those explanations create “a really frustrating situation” for practicing Catholics who know and love them, Duquin said. Many feel guilty or awkward and seek advice on what to do.
Prayer is essential. “Ask God to shower his love on the people you love who are away from the Church,” she said.
Duquin said that several things tend to draw lapsed Catholics back: A crisis makes a person see he can’t deal with everything alone; a spouse persuades a mate to join the family at Mass; a middle-aged person recognizes his own mortality and thinks more deeply about the meaning of life.
Good liturgy and preaching bring people back, as does a friendly parish community.
“Creating a welcoming parish community is up to you guys,” Duquin told her audience. “The true test is not how many people talk to each other; it’s how many people talk to people they don’t know.”
Father Dudzinski, with associate pastors Father David Hasser and Father Dan Duff, answered questions posed by the audience, such as: “How can a Baptist join the Church?” “Why can’t a non-Catholic receive Communion?” and “How do I help my twice-divorced brother-in-law?”
Inquiry classes are available to anyone considering Catholicism, Father Hasser said.
Private sessions also can be arranged.
Troubled people should be reminded that the sacrament of reconciliation is a great healer, Father Dudzinski said, and it has made many torn and troubled souls “whole” again.
Duquin discussed several subtle signs that a person is open to joining or rejoining the Church:
• Asking questions. He might ask why a Catholic does something, why he believes something, why he goes to Mass weekly or why his faith brings him peace. “All are invitations for you to invite him to come back,” Duquin said.
• Remembering. Lapsed Catholics often grow nostalgic for the Church they once knew. They share memories of pastors, churches and parochial schools. If they focus on an unpleasant memory, the person might say, “I didn’t have that experience,” she said.
• Reading. Keep Catholic magazines, newspapers, books and parish bulletins around the house, in places where they can be seen and picked up. “People read them,” she said.
• Curiosity. If a former Catholic asks about something the pope said, for instance, that’s a sign that he’s interested in the Church and possibly open to the idea of coming back.
• Life events. A person who has undergone a life-changing experience is often more willing to return to his faith. The event could be a death in the family, a new baby or a job change.
• Participation. Invite lapsed Catholics to baptisms, confirmations, first Communions and Catholic funerals so they can sense God’s presence and see the Holy Spirit at work, Duquin said.
• Mass attendance. Often, people feel uncomfortable returning to Mass. It’s up to greeters, ushers and other parishioners to reach out warmly and make them feel welcome. “The little things we do as a parish community make people feel much more comfortable,” she said.
Duquin offered these tips to those who are trying to encourage someone to return to the faith:
• Love unconditionally.
• Don’t nag.
• Focus on your own faith experience, and talk about why the Catholic Church is important to you. Start a conversation by mentioning a homily or a reading that resonated with you.
• Invite people to parish events — Christmas programs, fish fries, musical performances, festivals. It’s a good way for them to feel included and welcome.
• Most importantly, “Pray, pray, pray, pray, pray,” Duquin said. “… I would probably have not come back if we didn’t have the Catholic side and the Protestant side praying for us.”